at peace

so today is my due date for baby number 4. at my appointment last week we had talked about her inducing me by breaking my water. last night i had many mixed emotions.... here is an email i sent to some of my prayer warriors:

sending out a prayer request. tomorrow i am going into the doc at 10 to talk about her breaking my water. tomorrow is my actual due. cant believe i have made it this long. neither can anyone else actually. last two visits i was 4 cm dilated and baby was low and ready to go. just cant seem to keep consistent contractions coming. i have tried everything..... anyways, as much as i want to get baby here, i am feeling both anxious and guilty tonight.

anxious because "i" will be starting things instead of letting nature take its course. i am concerned about her breaking my water and then labor not progressing to the point that i need pitocin. i really dont want to be put on that. also just anxious about the entire process. at first i was excited about the delivery part of it all b/c brennas had gone so well. my doc this time around is a new one for me and i feel like she is all about what is most convenient for her and of course anxious about the baby being alright. i know god does not want me to worry about these things. camp is all about mission:possible this year. the verse is "... with man this is impossible, but with GOD all things are possible."

guilty because there is still one more week of camp. dave says he has everything worked out for him to be with me tomorrow and tuesday, i am just feeling like if i am at the point where i am choosing a day to have a baby, i should just wait a few more days until camp is done. dave still us to go ahead with plans tomorrow but i am feeling very selfish.

so please pray for peace in the decision we need to make tomorrow or even that i go into labor tonight :) so i dont have to make the decision

after our appointment with the doc today we decided to let the baby come on Gods timing and not our own. i feel such relief and peace, just was i was praying for. here is my updated email:

dave and i met the doc at 10 this morning at the office, i still was very unsettled about making a decision. she checked me again and said that i had not changed at all since last week. she was willing to break my water but then felt like it would be a pretty good possibility that i would have to go on pit. she knew that was not what i had desired. she told us it was our decision and that since i was doing fine and baby was doing fine that we could choose. she told me then that she would be out of town after wed and the doc on call would have to deliver. the doc on call is one who actually delivered brenna and we really liked him. dave and i were totally ok with that happening again and then just felt a peace about waiting.

SO... that is what we are doing. waiting for baby wid and GODS timing. i have another appointment this thursday with the new doc and they will monitor the baby to make sure he/she is still doing good.

thanks again for your prayers. i do feel peace about waiting and not starting things that arent ready to be started. i need to just let go of the fact that there is an entire camp waiting on us to have a baby. :)

so this is where we are... finding peace in my God and resting in Him knowing that he has this all planned out for our family and that His plans are way better than my own. why i always have to struggle with this concept and worry myself sick first i do not know, but i am so thankful for family and friends who love and encourage us and remind of us our Lords promises.

so i will leave you with one last picture of the shirts dave and i wore to the doc today. since the beginning dave has been saying "three is for quitters" in which my response is " four no more" so i made these shirts up for us. we needed some comic relief today.