devotional journey

In the alone place, fear closes in as I sense my aloneness.
The part of me with YOU , that I lost, wondering in its own apprehensions,
causing my sprit to imitate a mime, pressing against invisible walls that soundlessly threaten suffocation by unconscious yet deliberate isolation.
And I long for the resuscitation that YOUR breath brings.
Giving life to all my members, strength to my soul.

Causing me to unfold like a wet new butterfly, fighting to unwrap itself from the bondage of its self-imposed cocoon,
to spread new and unfamiliar members for the very fist time, testing their strength, readying these fragile members for the act of ascending

Not caring for the fact that is it the struggle which produces strength to take wing and fly while resisting the urge to cast off my independence and call upon YOUR help.
I weary myself and wonder at my ability to continue on, to rise above where I presently lie…

This place is not kind to my spirit’s expectations and I am lost in the prison of myself while YOU patiently hold the key and wait…
wait for me to invite YOU into this alone place…

But I have learned of another space called time, that calls sweetly to me, that woos me gently to its bosom, causing me to rest in the discovery that it is in the alone time that I find YOU.
Refreshing me like newly falling dew, washing me in my own tears, imparting YOUR comfort like liquid oil soothing my heart, melting my defenses and all the reasons why I deny YOU, until I find myself back in this place where fellowship is sweet communion, where intimacy is second nature, where I am reminded of YOUR faithfulness and YOUR love for me….

Yet there is a time called alone that I fear, but cannot seem to flee, for an invisible arm grips me suddenly, unexpectedly, while supporters I counted true vanish
Daring me to keep my standard in the face of a million opposing voices

I stand in the cold, shivering from my own indecision, torn by the reality of how little I trust YOU, as my stomach knots in hunger for one word of reassurance, from YOU who holds the key to my wholeness, that I am really not alone…

Still there is a place called alone that I seek, tucked beneath the arm of God, warm and sweet. A place where I can lay my weariness and unanswerable questions finding revelation in the rest that HIS heartbeat gives. As I burrow deeper into the folds of HIS breast, lost in the depths of HIS mysteries and riches untold, found in HIS love that always finds me when I Feel most alone.

Taken from the book His Love Always Finds Me : God’s Passionate Pursuit of His People by Michelle McKinney Hammond

I have not been in the word for about two months now. Since summer started and routines changed, my time with the Lord has stopped too. Lately I can really tell that something has been missing. I keep saying I just need some time alone to recharge and refresh. In "time alone" i was thinking of doing things like scrapbooking, sewing, painting.... and then it hit me like a ton of bricks that i dont need "bonnie" time, i need "God" time. i find myself on the computer way to much of my day, it is easy to do. the computer sits in the kitchen, so every time i walk by i check to see if there is any new mail and then i usually get sucked into facebook or photography blogs. it has almost become like an addiction. my little escape. so i am trying hard to change this habit. i am going to close my computer and place a bible on it instead. so if i have time to pass by and take a minute to check emails then i surely have time to read a verse or two instead. i am also really going to try to devote some real time to devotions. i need help with this. it is so hard for me to get back into the routine of devotions. i covet your prayers for my ability to stick with this. thanks friends